The Myth of Being A Morning Person After 40

The aspiration to turn into a morning person after hitting the big 4-0 is a quest that feels as plausible as finding a unicorn in your backyard. The mere idea of willingly embracing the crack of dawn with open arms is, in itself, a comedy sketch written by the universe.

My fellow nigh owls, if you find yourself hitting the snooze button more times than you hit the gym after 40, fear not—you’re not alone. So, let’s talk about it:

1. Mornings: Because Who Needs Sleep Anyway? Mornings—the perfect time to question all life choices that led to this ungodly wake-up hour. Because, let’s be honest, who needs the rejuvenating benefits of a full night’s sleep when you can stumble through your day like a sleep-deprived zombie? Who even invented 6:00 am? Whoever did that: may you step on a Lego. May your Wi-Fi only work on dial-up speed! May your sock forever slide down into your shoes! The biological clock, once a timekeeper, now behaves like a rebellious teenager. Muscles protest the audacity of movement, and joints snap, crackle, and pop like a breakfast cereal commercial. Mornings are a symphony of bodily sounds that rival a percussion ensemble warming up for a concert.
2. The Alarm Struggle is Real: Remember the days when you thought setting an alarm was just a formality? Me neither. I have a whole serenade of multiple alarms on my overprized alarm clock. Because, why just set one? You can have a full set of beeps and annoying melodies to remind you that the world expects you to be productive before you’ve even had a coherent thought. The snooze button, that seductive temptress, lures you into the sweet embrace of procrastination. Each press is a rebellion against the oppressive regime of early mornings, a small victory in the battle against the tyranny of alarms.
3. Coffee is my Morning Super-hero: My hero? He is not wearing capes, but a barista apron. Coffee, my trusted sidekick, is the only reason I can even consider facing the sunrise without my face looking like a sleep-deprived raccoon. Because nothing says “I’m ready for the day” like concealing under-eye bags big enough to carry groceries and convincing everyone that my morning glow is actually just caffeine-induced radiance. So, here’s to coffee – the real MVP in my quest to look alive before 10 AM!
4. Early Birds Get the Worm: Sure, the early birds get the worm, but who needs a worm when you can have a triple-shot caramel macchiato? Let them enjoy their protein-rich breakfasts, because they are the breakfast trendsetters. I’ll savor the nectar of the gods and silently judge their life choices. After all, nothing says “winning at mornings” like a condescending sip of superiority. Cheers to my caffeinated throne and their mundane breakfasts!
5. Morning Exercise??? They say morning exercise is the key to a healthy lifestyle. Well, call me a locksmith because that door is staying firmly shut. My exercise routine involves reaching for the TV remote and perfecting the art of couch-potato. Yoga and sunrise? The joy of witnessing the sunrise while stretching into downward dog. Just kidding—my idea of sunrise yoga involves reaching for the snooze button with expert precision.
6. Pajamas All Day, Every Day: One of the perks of not being a morning person after 40? Pajamas are considered all-day attire. Who needs business casual when you can rock the ultimate comfort? Besides, pajamas are just sophisticated loungewear, right? Forget fashion runways. My living room is the new trendsetter, where mismatched patterns and questionable color choices make the ultimate fashion statement. Because who says style can’t coexist with a side of comfort-induced apathy?
7. Breakfast or Beauty Sleep? Decisions, Decisions. They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, I say beauty sleep is the most important investment in looking vaguely human. If I have to choose between a well-balanced breakfast and snoozing for an extra 15 minutes, the snooze button wins every time.
8. The Morning Rush: Trying to get ready in the morning is like participating in a chaotic obstacle course. Toothpaste on the shirt? Check. Searching for car keys in the fridge? Been there. Mismatched socks? Getting dressed becomes a game of fashion roulette. Coordinating outfits at the crack of dawn is like attempting brain surgery with a spaghetti noodle.
9. The Joy of Traffic Jams: Nothing says “good morning” like bumper-to-bumper traffic. It’s a blissful experience, especially when you’re stuck behind someone who thinks the speed limit is just a friendly suggestion. I’m convinced that traffic is the universe’s way of testing our sanity before 9 AM.

The midlife morning routine is a ballet of grace and coordination, or so they claim. The grace is optional, by the way. We gracefully navigates the obstacle course of misplaced shoes, stubbed toes, and the elusive second coffee mug.

So, is being a morning person after 40 a myth or a cruel joke? It’s a cosmic prank, a sarcastic twist in the grand narrative of aging. As you stumble through the early hours, remember: you’re not alone. There’s a tribe of reluctant risers out there, armed with caffeine and sarcasm, facing the dawn with a raised eyebrow and a resigned chuckle. Here’s to the brave souls who dare to scoff at the idea of mornings after 40. May your coffee be strong, and your sense of humor even stronger. Cheers to the morning warriors!