Food Trends I Secretly Hate – A Foodie’s Confession

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In the ever-evolving realm of food trends, they come and go like fleeting romances, promising taste bud enlightenment and culinary nirvana. Or so they say. But let’s be real, shall we? While the world goes crazy over avocado toast and unicorn frappuccinos, some food trends make us want to roll our eyes. The world of food trends is a place of wonder and amazement. And by wonder and amazement, I mean ‘I wonder what on Earth is happening here?’ For example:

Quinoa Everything

Quinoa salads, quinoa burgers, quinoa desserts. It’s like the world collectively decided that this ancient grain is the answer to all our culinary woes. Newsflash: Quinoa doesn’t magically make everything gourmet. Sorry, but my taste buds don’t need a lecture on superfoods while I’m trying to enjoy my meal..

Kale Everything

Kale chips, kale smoothies, kale ice cream. It is as if kale is on a mission to infiltrate every corner of our culinary lives. Sure, it’s healthy, but can we please stop pretending that it tastes like anything other than a slightly bitter disappointment? No, I don’t want kale in my dessert, thank you very much.

The Coffee Controversy

The elixir of life turned into a science experiment. Nitrogen-infused cold brew, unicorn frappuccinos, and beverages that are more sugar than caffeine. It is as if coffee went through a midlife crisis and decided it needed a complete image change. We secretly yearn for the days when coffee was, well, just coffee, not an avant-garde art exhibit and you did not require a degree in chemistry to understand it. I am pretty sure that if you ask any barista about their most ridiculous order of coffee, their response will be: “Where shall I begin?”

Avocado Overload

It’s official – avocados have declared themselves the supreme rulers of the culinary universe. Avocado toast, avocado ice cream, avocado in our smoothies. It is as if avocados decided they needed to infiltrate every meal we consume. It is like every restaurant on the planet decided to put this green mush on a piece of bread and charge a small fortune for it. Instagram it, right? Because nothing says “foodie” like a filtered photo of mashed avocado on toast. Avocado is here to make guac and salad great, and that’s pretty much it. Ah, and a good, homemade, avocado toast, just because is not charged an arm and a leg for it.

Deconstructed Dishes

The art of deconstruction – because apparently, normal food is just too mainstream. Why enjoy a well-composed dish when you can have it disassembled on a plate like a food-themed LEGO set? Bonus points if the chef serves you a tiny tower of ingredients and expects you to figure out how to eat it without sending pieces flying across the room.

Example: Deconstructed Eggs Benedict: The classic dish has now been reimagined as separate components arranged on a plate. Why eat a complete dish when you can construct it yourself? It’s like a DIY project you didn’t ask for.

Artisanal Water

Yes, you read that right. Because apparently, regular water is too basic for our sophisticated palates. Now we can pay exorbitant amounts for water that’s been blessed by mountain fairies and bottled in a limited edition, hand-blown glass container. Because nothing fulfills your thirst like pretentious hydration.

If there’s ever been a revolution in the world of hydration, it’s the emergence of water menus. Ethically sourced, artisanal water with price tags that could rival a fine wine – it’s a water world gone mad. We wonder if a water sommelier is just waiting to explain the terroir of our tap water.

Excessive Truffle Usage

Truffle oil, truffle fries, and truffle ice cream? We can’t help but chuckle at the audacity of sprinkling truffles on everything as if it’s the magical solution to elevate any dish. Newsflash: not even truffles can save a poorly cooked meal from its fate.

Excessive Foam

Foam, once a delightful topping on a well-crafted cappuccino, has now infiltrated our meals like a bubbly tsunami. From foamy soups to frothy cocktails, we secretly yearn for the days when our food didn’t resemble a bubble bath gone rogue.

Miniature Food

Tiny food, once a novelty, has now become an entire culinary genre. Miniature burgers, micro tacos, and bite-sized desserts – we secretly mourn the disappearance of regular-sized portions. Are we in a restaurant or a dollhouse?

Deceptive Deserts

Picture this: a beautiful dessert that looks like a work of art. You take a bite, expecting a symphony of flavors, only to realize it’s made entirely of foam, air, and disappointment. Congratulations, you’ve just experienced a deceptive dessert – where appearance triumphs over taste, and you’re left longing for something substantial.

Pretentious Food Pairings

The art of pairing food – a delicate dance of flavors that can elevate a meal to divine heights. Or so we thought. Enter the era of pretentious food pairings, where chefs throw together seemingly random ingredients in the name of creativity. Strawberries and olives? Avocado and chocolate? We’re left wondering if someone accidentally spilled the pantry and decided to serve it as haute cuisine.

Excessive Gastronomic Jargon

This one is my favorite. Dishes are no longer grilled; they are “flame-kissed.” Salads are not dressed; they are “artfully drizzled with a reduction of aged balsamic essence.” Or ” Pan Seared Free-Range Chicken Breast, Elevated on a Pillow of Truffle Infused Pommes Puree, with a Drizzle of Balsamic Reduction. Translation: Chicken with mashed potatoes.

Exotic Food Fusions

The world of fusion cuisine has taken a wild turn, blending culinary traditions in ways that leave us bewildered. Sushi burritos, burgers with a twist, Mexican lasagna, and curry pizza – it’s as if the culinary globe has been thrown into a blender, resulting in gastronomic chaos. We’re secretly yearning for the days when sushi was sushi and burgers were burgers.

Excessive Garnish

Ever ordered a dish that looked like a wild forest had been uprooted and dropped on your plate as garnish? Welcome to the world of excessive garnishes, where simplicity has been banished, and the garnish game is on steroids.

Obsessive Food Documentation

What happened to “Eat first, take a picture later”? It’s not just about eating; it’s about documenting every bite, every angle, every filter. We’re secretly wondering if the future will hold restaurants where the waitstaff hands you an iPhone upon arrival.

So, there you have it. Let’s face it, sometimes we just want a simple, uncomplicated meal without the need for a food critic’s vocabulary and a small loan to afford it. While the world embraces these culinary trends with open arms, there are some of us who prefer to enjoy our meals without the hype. We secretly hope that simplicity and taste will make a triumphant return to the world of food trends. Until then, we’ll just quietly enjoy our classic dishes while everyone else Snapchats their avocado toast or sips on their galaxy-themed latte.

Bon appétit, or whatever.